Here we are again, it’s gone 5 am and I’m still awake. If previous nights are anything to go by then this means there’s no chance of me sleeping at all.
Insomnia is something that has visited my life over the years, usually in short bursts, but it’s been a constant foe (I almost said companion but it’s not exactly friendly) since January.
Last week I was all gung-ho about feeling the fear and doing it anyway and this week…well this week isn’t going so great.
Don’t get me wrong, my life is no longer on hold and I’m still working on and doing the things that I was talking about but this past week has been harder than I was expecting.
Last night I wrote a blog post that I’m not sure will ever see the light of day. Although I have made a deal to leave it for a while and then see how I feel on re-reading it. Who knows, maybe the act of writing it alone will prove to be enough for me.
It has been a strange month, there’s been good days and bad days, but despite my best laid plans I’ve been letting the bad days dwell on me more than I probably should considering the good days actually outnumbered them.
Family and friends have been really supportive, something I’ll always be grateful for, but, me being me, I tend to get over reliant on others at times like this. Everyone needs a support system around them, I don’t deny that, but there’s a difference between accepting help when you truly need and becoming dependent on others to get you through even the simplest of things. It’s a fine line and one that I’m very close to crossing so it’s time for a change.
Reading this post over on F is for… got me thinking about public displays of affection and they’re not something I normally give much thought to.
It’s not something that bothers me; gay, straight, trans, bisexual, or none of these, I’m unlikely to pay attention to whose hand you’re holding or mouth you’re kissing. Unless you’re actually standing in my way in the street or sitting in front of me in the cinema and distracting me from the movie then my view is do whatever makes you happy with whoever makes you happy (as long as you realise you’re in public obviously). Even then you can continue to do as you please but be prepared for me to ask you to move out of my way first.
There’s no two ways about it, the first time you see your ex after the break up is bound to be all kinds of awkward. You can plan it out in your head a million times over but it’s never gonna play out like that.
Maybe it would have been different if we’d arranged to meet up instead of unexpectedly bumping into each other in this city that is too damn small at times but seeing her really knocked me for six. Just as an aside, we had originally arranged to see each other shortly after she moved home but at the last minute we both realised, separately, that we weren’t ready to face each other yet so it didn’t happen.
Put me in front of a group of strangers, give me a set topic and I’ll talk the hind legs off a donkey with no problem at all. Place me in front of the same group without something specific to talk about and I’ll probably mutter and mumble for fifteen minutes before being able to make any sense at all. It’ll take another while before I actually relax and feel like myself.
I don’t fare much better with individual people either, I’m the same gibbering wreck for a good half an hour or so. It’s a rare occurrence that I meet someone and instantly feel comfortable around them which, I guess, makes it all the nicer when it does happen.
It’s been a few weeks since I did one of these but here’s a round up of blog posts, articles and stuff that caught my eye over the last week.
Over on me, mine and other bits Speccy writes beautifully about her Mum – herself
Reclaim The Voice shares a poem with us, for the day that’s in it – Mother’s Day
It’s time for another round up of blog posts that have caught my eye, I’ve discovered loads of new blogs this week so this is gonna be a long one.
Enjoy! And don’t forget to let me know what your favourite blog post of the week has been in the comments below.